By Don Smith
Proverbs 31:1–3, (1) The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him. (2) What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows? (3) Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.
This passage of scripture deals with an extremely serious problem in Christendom. I’m referring to people who consider themselves Christians, regardless of their beliefs or whether they’re actually saved or not. Christendom is becoming increasingly effeminate and a lack of masculinity has reached the crisis stage in most so-called churches. More, who claim to be Christians and attend Church at least from time to time, are exhibiting fewer and fewer behavioral characteristics that are distinctively masculine! The truth is that they are exhibiting more and more behavior that’s distinctively feminine.
The Barna Report’s poll determined that within the next twenty-five years Christianity will become so feminized, if trends continue, the ministry will become as female a profession as nursing is today. The Credenda Agenda, a conservative Reformed/Presbyterian webzine, devoted an entire issue (Volume 11, Issue 2) to decrying the lack of distinctive masculinity among pastors. They went so far as to describe ministers as resembling neither men nor women in conduct and deportment, but behaving like some third gender, halfway between the two. Frankly, my involvement with evangelicals is limited, but it sure seems to me like there’s a real feminization of Christendom going on.
Leon J. Podles’ book, The Church Impotent: The Femini-zation of Christianity, documents the ever-increasing tendency of Church attendance to be lopsided! There’s a greater and greater percentage of those attending and performing key leadership roles being women. And the men who do attend Church are less masculine and more feminine in their behavior than in past years. It’s becoming clear that many pastors are very concerned about this issue of masculinity in men, its effect on femininity in women, and how it impacts raising children in their Churches.
As an unsaved man, I was not at all impressed with Christianity. In my estimation, Christian men, especially, were all a bunch of sissies. And I had good reason to come to such conclusions. My father, who I idolized as a little boy, was a big, strong, loud, profane man who never read the Bible, who I never saw pray, who I never saw go to Church, who never talked about God in my hearing—unless it was to curse! Even after he started going to church, as a result of my kid-like demands because I was going to Methodist SS—it just proved that his kid could push him around! And the wussy preacher of that Methodist church wimped out and told my dad that he didn’t have to believe in a Virgin-born Savior in order to join!
So, I never associated Christian manhood with the big, strong, courageous, tough kind of man I wanted to grow up to be. On the other hand, and in contrast to my father, the men I saw as pastors in the denominational church struck me as weak and effeminate—the kind that I wanted no part of and had no interest in being like. Also, I learned as a teen of a classmate’s pastor who was cheating on his wife. So, all in all, I imagined Christianity was the surest way to strip myself of manliness and integrity.
After coming under conviction, realizing myself as undone and coming to Christ in 1974 and getting through my legal and financial problems, the greatest problem that confronted me as a newborn babe in Christ was how I could become obedient in my newfound faith without becoming like the effeminate, sissy Christians I knew who attended and conducted the Bible studies to which I thought I should go. It was perplexing! Being an assertive and aggressive male, who loved and was faithful to his wife, was the ideal of manhood I sought to emulate. I wanted to be like my father.
I’m just thankful that God brought by an independent Baptist Preacher who introduced me to the truth concerning the church and also introduced me to men who were men and Baptist! And I realized that it was possible to be a Christian and be masculine. Christianity was starting to look like something fulfilling to me.
Do you suppose I was the only guy who thought that way? Was I the only young man who had trouble reconciling masculinity with Christianity? I don’t think so. There is a reason why more women attend Church than men. There is a reason why teenage boys stop going to Church as soon as they can. And it’s something in addition to the natural tendency of a sinner to turn away from the things of God. Those boys and men have been convinced that they can’t be men, not real men anyway, and be “religious.”
Many men perceive interest in religion as a threat to their masculinity. But how do we reconcile this with the fact that more men are involved in Islam than women, more men are involved in Judaism than women, and an equal number of men and women are involved in the Russian, Greek and Armenian Orthodox Churches? Western men have been convinced that religion is a danger and a threat to their masculinity.
While “religion” in the western world may very well be a threat to masculinity, it is not true of Biblical Christian faith as it is found in my Church. It’s a fact that the vast majority of so-called Churches are increasingly effeminate. But this isn’t the result of real Christianity. It’s due to the encroachments of feminism into Christendom. But the feminization of Christendom (and of more and more Churches that bow to political correctness and move away from Biblical truth about manhood and womanhood) doesn’t mean Christianity, real Christianity, Bible Christianity, Baptist Christianity is actually a threat to any man’s masculinity.
The real problem, in my opinion, is twofold. First and foremost is this easy believism that leaves so many who profess Christ unregenerate. Many men in many churches are lost men even after they have been baptized and have become Church members. Unsaved men (a large number of pastors should be included) can’t understand the spiritual realities of manhood and masculinity! Why? Because, being natural men, being unsaved, they don’t understand the things of the Spirit of God. “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Corinthians 2:14) But that’s not the whole problem. Even under ministries of truly converted denominational pastors, there’s a general absence of pointed and focused instruction from God’s Word on how to be a Christian man, how to be masculine, how to be manly, and not be feminine, effeminate, and womanly as a man.
Real Baptist Pastors need to remedy the problem. Such instruction becomes more and more needed with each passing year! Look at the number of fatherless homes in which children are being raised! And there are an increasing number of effeminate men who are passing on to their sons the passive befuddlement that they exhibit when they simply don’t know how to be masculine, especially as they relate to women.
Here’s the key to dealing with the problem of masculinity in men. Once a Church deals effectively with people about their salvation, (Biblical Salvation, neither 1-2-3 — pray-after-me — 4-5-6 — gee-I-hope-it-sticks, nor Lordship Salvation,) then we must teach them how to be masculine men and feminine women. Masculinity is not about foolishly resorting to violence or adolescent demonstrations of bravado, that false macho junk! I’m referring to genuine manhood as it is portrayed in God’s Word. Biblical femininity, also, is not that mindless, blond-roots junk, or the helpless, weak caricature of the southern lady, or the manly western woman as the world portrays!
Masculinity education is needed even for men who grew up with their dads in the home. Because the assault on men and the feminization of the Churches have been going on so long, real Christian masculinity is missing even from families with a rich Christian heritage.
So, where do you start as a Church? Twenty-four years ago, when I arrived in Platteville to start and pastor Platteville Baptist Church, I knew I’d be used of God to build a man’s Church! And the women of the congregation eagerly backed me! I knew that we were well on our way to establishing our New Testament Church as a place for growing men who were really men and women who were really women. But of late, there’s been a new reaction by women from the world to this kind of church. They just won’t come. Husbands come with or without their wives and grow in their faith and service to the Lord. The wives either fight or ignore what their husbands are doing!
That having been said, we are praising the Lord that the Holy Spirit provided for us a real key to showing our newer and younger men, and our boys, how to be masculine, particularly in their dealings with the women in their lives. I think you will find this key to be equally enlightening. Understand that masculinity is something other than climbing mountains and going hunting, something other than shooting pool and fighting, and something other than drinking and being a womanizer. Look, I’m all for big-biceped, burly, manly men; but it takes more than brawn to make a man!
Let’s read our text again: “Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.” (Proverbs 31:3) I’m talking now only of men who are converted, who have direction and purpose in their lives, who are indwelt by the Spirit of the living God, who are committed to finding God’s will and actually doing it, who are warriors for the Lord. This is not directed to men who are pretenders, or who have some insane notion that real Christian manhood is possible apart from God’s grace and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
The Problem In Society
I have only mentioned some of the symptoms found in our society, so let’s define the problem, the real problem, which has always been a problem for men dealing with women. Men, the woman with whom you have to do, whether it be your wife, or your sister, or your mother, or the woman you are engaged to marry, has her own agenda. Presumably, you have your agenda. If you don’t have an agenda for your life, you should. But in any case, I promise that each of the women with whom you deal has an agenda.
That’s not the problem. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman having an agenda. The problem comes when that woman begins to tug at you in a complex variety of ways in an effort to fulfill her agenda. Don’t ever get angry with that woman for seeking to fulfill her agenda by tugging at you one way or another, just understand that she will! Don’t get angry with her but, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)
This problem you’re facing is an ancient problem. It was a problem for Adam with his wife, Eve. He had an agenda that was given to him by God. Eve, on the other hand, had an agenda that was suggested to her by the serpent. The Fall occurred when Adam abandoned his agenda in favor of Eve’s agenda. Now, I’m not suggesting that Eve be blamed. Not at all. The responsibility was Adam’s, because he abandoned his agenda, given to him by God, in favor of Eve’s, suggested to her by the serpent. “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” (Romans 5:12.) “For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners...” (Romans 5:19a)
It was a problem for Abraham with his wife, Sarah. He had an agenda set for him by God, with a covenant and the promise of an heir: Genesis 12:2–5, “ (2) And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: (3) And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. (4) So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran. (5) And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother’s son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.”
But Sarah grew impatient with Abraham’s agenda and sought to advance her own agenda. How so? By suggesting to Abraham that he sire a child by Hagar. What did Abraham do? “Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.” (Genesis 16:1–2) He abandoned his agenda in favor of Sarah’s, and Ishmael was born, giving rise to the tension between the Arabs and the Jews that troubles the world to this day. Do not blame Sarah, it was Abraham’s decision to abandon his agenda in favor of hers, making it entirely his responsibility. She did not make him do what he did. She only urged him to do it, and he decided to do as she urged.
It was a problem for Jacob and his wife, Rachel. Already finding himself married to two women, sisters yet, Jacob was in a mess. He had children by the first wife, Leah, the one he didn’t intend to marry! But he further abandoned his agenda in favor of Rachel’s agenda when he took Rachel’s handmaid Bilhah and sired a son by her. Then he did as Rachel urged yet again. Then he followed the agenda of Leah in having a son with her handmaid Zilpah. And he sired a second son by Zilpah. Then he was influenced by Leah to come back to her, two more sons! And so on, and so on, and so on! (Read about it all in Genesis 29–30) So a vicious cycle began in his household, worse than before, because he abandoned his agenda, faulty as it already had become, in favor of his beloved Rachel’s agenda.
It was a problem for Judah, Jacob’s son, and his daughter-in-law, Tamar. Remember that Judah had two sons, one of whom married Tamar. (Genesis 38ff) But Tamar’s husband died without issue when God killed him. Judah sent his second son, Onan, in unto Tamar but Onan refused to be obedient and fulfil the agenda, so God killed Onan. To pacify her, Judah then promised her his third son, who was very young. But when Tamar saw that Judah was not going to give her yet a third son by whom to have children, she posed as a prostitute to her unsuspecting father-in-law and became pregnant by him. No clearer case of a man abandoning his agenda in favor of a woman’s has ever been seen. She got what she wanted from him, with him suspecting absolutely nothing. And it was great sin.
The fifth example I bring to your attention has to do with Samson and Delilah. He clearly had an agenda set for him by God. (Judges 15–16) And, however inconsistently and carnally he was in fulfilling his divinely appointed agenda, Delilah lured, enticed and seduced him into abandoning his agenda in favor of hers. That resulted in the loss of God’s power on his life, the loss of his eyesight, enslavement by God’s enemies, and eventually his death. But don’t blame Delilah. To be sure, she was an evil and deceitful woman. But it was Samson’s choice to abandon his agenda in favor of hers when he continued to go in unto her and tell her things she ought to have never known. The blame for the tragedy of his life is his and his alone.
What about David and Bathsheba? (Read it all in 2 Samuel 11 to 1 Kings 2.) Did he abandon his agenda in favor of hers? It’s obvious that he did abandon his agenda. He destroyed his credibility. He certainly gave God’s enemies occasion to blaspheme when his adultery and the murder of Bathsheba’s husband to conceal his adultery became known. But did she have an agenda? Oh, yes!
“But, preacher, David was the king, and his position and his power made it impossible for her to deny his desire.” Thank you, dear feminist. But according to God’s Word she should have cried out! “Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour’s wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.” (Deuteronomy 22:24) If she had been willing to die rather than be raped by David the damage to God’s name would have been less than occurred by saving her own skin.
She should have died rather than let David take her. But I do not blame her. She had an agenda, even if she did not in any way initiate the encounter with David. Her agenda? To save her life. But I do not blame her for that. All of the blame is David’s. All of it.
My final example of the problem that exists between a man’s agenda and a woman’s is the tragic example of Solomon and the many women in his life. (2 Samuel to 2 Chronicles) Oh, how he succumbed to their wiles, to their charms, to their beauty, to their allure, to their enticements. And it ruined him, didn’t it? Solomon was ruined by not adhering to the agenda that God had established for him, but succumbing to the individual and private agenda of hundreds of beautiful women.
The outcome isn’t always tragic when a conflict arises between the agenda of God’s man and the agenda of a woman! For example, Joseph refused to alter his agenda so that Potiphar’s wife might fulfill hers (Genesis 39), and God blessed him greatly. (Read of his life in Genesis 30–50.) Moses refused to alter his agenda when his wife, Zipporah, was clearly displeased with him concerning the circumcision of his sons (Exodus 4). But he obeyed God and went on to deliver the Israelites from Egyptian bondage. Moses also resisted his older sister Miriam’s effort of to advance her agenda at his expense when she called attention to the fact that Moses’ wife was Ethiopian in Numbers 12. Then there is the courageous example of king Asa. In 1 Kings 15:13 Asa removed his mother from being queen. How difficult that must have been for him! So, why did he do it? Her personal agenda was in conflict with his own godly agenda.
The premier examples in the Word of God, however, are those two occasions when Mary sought to impose her will on the Lord Jesus Christ. First at the wedding feast at Cana (John 2:1–11): “(1) And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: (2) And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage. (3) And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. (4) Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come. (5) His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it. (6) And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece. (7) Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim. (8) And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it. (9) When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, (10) And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now. (11) This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.”
Our Lord’s mother had an agenda; she wanted Him to show Himself through His Miracles! Yet He let her know that “mine hour is not yet come” and she immediately came to her senses and surrendered to His and His Heavenly Father’s agenda! “Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.”
The second example is found in Matthew 12:47–50: “(47) Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. (48) But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? (49) And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! (50) For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.”
For whatever reason, Mary sought to impose her will on the Lord Jesus Christ, but He would have none of it. So you see, this problem we have of women seeking to persuade men to set aside his agenda in favor of hers is an old, old problem. Those godly men who set aside their agenda for the women’s agenda did so to their regret. Those godly men who resisted the persuasion of their women and held fast to their agenda did so to their advantage, and thereby pleased God! And the Lord Jesus Christ set wonderful examples for us in this regard.
But this ancient problem has been greatly exacerbated in our modern world by some factors I want to explain to you! I want you to think now in terms of the relationship that exists between a man and a woman in different cultural contexts. Try to place yourself in several different contexts and imagine what it would’ be like for you as a man or a woman in that setting.
First, imagine yourself in a pre-Christian setting, somewhere in North or South America long ago, in a civilization, perhaps even an advanced civilization, but one that’s untouched by the Gospel. What would the relationship be between a man and his woman among the Aztecs, or the Incas, or in some other such setting? Always the man was thought in those settings to be superior to the woman, by virtue of his size, strength, aggressiveness, and tendency toward violence.
In a marriage, if you could really call such relationships marriages in those cultures, the husband was the lord, and the wife was almost always chattel, or property. She was certainly considered to be inferior to him. So, what would happen if she openly opposed her man’s agenda? Could she succeed? Never. And he would oftentimes respond to her with violence.
Now imagine, along comes the Gospel. Now the Christian husband and the Christian wife find that God’s will is for the functional relationship in the home that existed prior remain the same. He’s still the leader of the home, providing direction and oversight, and she’s subordinate. The difference is that instead of the husband being superior and the wife inferior, they’re both equal in God’s sight! The leader/follower relationship is created by God for functional purposes. (Ephesians 5:22ff) Still the leader, the man is now commanded in God’s Word to love his wife, to sacrifice for her, and to honor her. Still the follower, the wife is now commanded to fear the Lord and not her husband, and to submit to him as unto the Lord. And this was the way it was in the thirteen colonies in our country when the Gospel strongly influenced early American culture.
But we now live in a post-Christian world. As the Bible is removed from our culture and from society’s memory, only one vestige of Christianity is presently being left in place: the equality of women in the sight of God. In no other religion ever seen on earth, and only in cultures affected and influenced by Christianity, have women enjoyed equality with men as human beings. But as the Bible is removed, our society’s willingness to continue implementing God’s functional plan of men leading and women following their men has been cast aside as well.
Now you have men and women as equals, but they’re now struggling for functional dominance through new laws, suits, and the imposition of cultural restrictions on men. I’m not opposed to equal pay for equal work! I’m not opposed to equal opportunity for advancement in the work place, or the rightness of those principles. I speak here only of the home and of social relationships between men and women (those do include some jobs that are not and should not be a woman’s—for example, women in combat and really in general military service—but that’s another topic.) The fact that we have women ruling in the civil/judicial spheres, and are on the verge of facing the dictates of a female president, shows America is in an advanced state of apostasy and judgment. And rebellious, out-of-control children are a scourge and a shame to the nation.
Isaiah 3:12–15, “(12) As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. (13) The LORD standeth up to plead, and standeth to judge the people. (14) The LORD will enter into judgment with the ancients of his people, and the princes thereof: for ye have eaten up the vineyard; the spoil of the poor is in your houses. (15) What mean ye that ye beat my people to pieces, and grind the faces of the poor? saith the Lord GOD of hosts.”
But back to the point I’m trying to make! How long do you think this struggle for functional dominance will continue without the conflict being resolved? Do you honestly think our society can survive without some guidelines? For now, each man and woman in a family engage in their private personal conflict to resolve who will be the leader and who will be the follower in the home. Such an unstable society has never in the history of mankind existed. Imagine driving with each person you meet on the street having to decide whether to pass on the left or the right, because society has decided there won’t be a general pattern to follow. You would be nervous wrecks, if each car you met on the street required you to establish an entirely new set of ground rules for driving interaction.
The struggle for functional dominance in the home is kind of like that, only more complex, and more important. How long do you think a society can function without having an agreed upon norm for relations between husbands and wives? With the passing of time, we’ll move from a post-Christian society to a genuinely neo-pagan society and culture, just as things were before Christianity arrived on the scene. There will come a time when it will no longer be taken for granted that men and women are equal in the eyes of God, for God will have long since been cast aside by society.
Things will once again be as they were in pre-Christian times. What do you think will happen between men and women when they have not only discarded the notion that men should be the functional leaders in the home, but also when men have forgotten the notion of women being equals? Remember, it was by means of the Gospel’s advance that the notion that men and women were equal in the sight of God was introduced. So, what happens when they cast God aside? How will men and women relate to each other when there is no thought given to who is equal in God’s sight, and the only thing a man notices is size, strength, and capacity for violence? We’re not there yet, but we’re seeing the first glimpses of what it’ll be like! One example is the relationship between boys and girls in street gangs. Another is when men look at pornography, using women only for gratification. Is there any semblance of equality in those situations? There is none whatsoever!
We now live in post-Christian America. There is an undeniable struggle between men and women for dominance in our culture. Before we degenerate into a brutal culture of violence toward women and wholesale abuse, there are some strange consequences already. This struggle for leadership in our society of equality without functional hierarchy has produced some unique cases that didn’t exist at any other time or in any other culture.
In some cases you see sissy boys who prefer the company of girls to boys their own age. Now, these fellows will strongly protest that they are not sissy boys. Such preferences for girls over boys are not usually exhibited by boys with powerfully masculine personalities. Masculine boys are attracted to girls but hang out with the guys, while those who prefer the company of girls tend to have rather weak effeminate personalities. Are these candidates for homosexuality? Not always. Not usually. But the likelihood increases as this conflict between men and women continues, and boys become more and more confused about their proper role in relationship to women.
In other cases there’ll be a surprising amount of aggressiveness by girls. They bully their boyfriends and boss them around. It used to be a given that when you saw a guy who allowed himself to be pushed around by a girl, it was because he was having sex with her and he’d put up with her nonsense, so he could have sex with her. But more and more you will find it’s just because boys are becoming more and more passive in the face of more aggressive behavior by girls.
A third type of case is the momma’s boy, who just won’t grow up. Now, he may or may not be promiscuous. But the key to understanding him lies, not in his promiscuity but, in his relationship to his mommy. He wants to be his mommy’s boy, and he doesn’t want to become what he thinks a man is. Ricky Nelson was this way. When he was more than forty years old, he was still saying that he didn’t want to grow up. Elvis Presley was this way. Promiscuous in the extreme, Elvis was, nevertheless, a real momma’s boy.
A fourth characteristic typical of our time is the man who is both passive and promiscuous. There’s considerable overlap with some of these. But this is the man who seems to be wildly successful with women. Oftentimes not aggressive at all, he is frequently quiet, and soft-spoken, and patient. He will do whatever he has to do, put up with whatever he has to remain as silent as he has to for as long as he has to, for only one purpose. What he wants is to have sex with that woman. And he will have sex with her, because she will have sex with a man who is passive in return for her being aggressive in their social relationship.
And then, finally, we have the befuddled man or the stubborn man. The befuddled fellow and the stubborn fellow are really so very much alike. Neither one is a leader in his home. But the one reacts to difficulties and confusion by exhibiting befuddlement, waiting for someone else to step up and make a decision! While the other guy goes ahead and just shuts down by making some stupid pronouncement and then being stubborn in his unwillingness to deal with reality. But in both cases they are men who are like computers whose hard drives have locked up.
Each of these are examples as the direct result of the confusion that exists in a society, in a culture, where people have turned their back on the functional relationship between men and women that God has established. In our society, people remember only the basic equality of the two sexes, while vigorously denying that there is, or should be, a divinely ordained functional hierarchy. So they engage in a struggle for supremacy, for dominance. Or, and this is more likely, the woman engages in this struggle while the confused man, who doesn’t want to be thought of as primitive or unkind in the face of withering opposition from his culture, simply refuses to assert himself as a masculine man and just gives up.
Now, I realize that these examples are oversimplifications. But I cite them to provide some composite personalities of men having no idea what they should do, or how they should behave, when dealing with the women in their lives. The frustration of some of these guys is incredible. As a pastor I have them plead with me in my office: “What should I do now? How am I supposed to act? What’s expected of me?” All of this is in reference to their relationships with the women in their lives.
The Prohibition In Scripture
“Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.” (Proverbs 31:3)
First, notice the parallel of this prohibition! “Give” means to make a gift of something. This refers to something that is entirely up to the discretion of a man. What is being forbidden simply cannot happen unless and until a man decides that it will happen. What is “strength?” It’s virility. It’s power. So, the prohibition is: Don’t surrender your strength to a woman. Don’t turn over your virility to a woman. Don’t you get soft, and let her get hard. But that’s just the first half of the verse.
The verb “give” is only used once, but it applies to both parts of the parallel. “Nor thy ways...” “Ways” refers to your undertakings, your course of life, or your actions. This word fits nicely into my use of the word “agenda” earlier. To what are you not to give your undertakings, your course of life, or your actions? To “that which destroyeth kings.” So you see a parallel drawn between “that which destroyeth kings” and “women.” And did not women destroy Solomon, who was inspired to write most of Proverbs, but not this portion?
Having seen the parallel, let us take notice now the principles of the prohibition! When you look back from the end of Proverbs 31:3, you see what destroys kings is “women.” When you look forward to the next verse you see something else which destroyeth kings: “wine.” — “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:” (Proverbs 31:4)
“Women” and “wine” can have similar effects on kings, princes, husbands, or men who permit such effects by giving themselves over to them. Recognize that a man’s strength or virility is likened to his direction in life, his actions of life, his undertakings, his agenda and the execution of his agenda. Lemuel’s mother was teaching her son this, so that he might be a good man, a good husband and a good king.
Men, in your dealings with the women in your life (and I speak to men, not boys), there are prerogatives you never surrender to a woman. Boys, you honor and obey your mother! Men, there’s a freedom of decision and a freedom of action out of which you must never allow any woman to talk you out of. She can only talk you out of it, seduce you out of it, persuade you out of it, because she cannot take it from you without your passive acquiescence.
We see here that a woman, this king’s mother, taught him to never, ever, under any circumstances, surrender control, or leadership, or initiative, or decision-making prerogatives to his wife, or to any woman, for that matter. What would happen in the USA if so-called Christian men stopped giving their strength to women, and if they stopped giving their ways to that which destroyeth kings? Why should a man stop allowing his wife boss him, no longer take orders from the girl he likes, quit surrendering his vitality to females because he’s a wimp? Because that woman, if you are not careful, will have the same effect on you that wine has on a man.
What effect does wine have on a man? A woman who has enticed you to forsake your agenda for hers, like wine, has caused you to forget the law and pervert judgment!, “Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.” (Proverbs 31:5) Oh, she makes you feel good, like liquor does to a man who is about to die or a man who is depressed, because it’s an anesthetic, a drug! “Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.” (Proverbs 31:6) Like liquor, she causes you to forget! “Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.” (Proverbs 31:7)
Now, for an unsaved man it’s bad enough. He doesn’t really have a spiritual agenda. He has no intentions of serving God. He just lives from day to day, going to work and going home, seeking to accomplish and fulfill his fleshly agenda. But the Christian man’s life is more important, is more significant. So, how devastating it would be for that man to surrender his agenda to a woman, any woman, no matter how godly she may be thought to be.
Why is it destructive for a man to give his strength to a woman? Because his strength, his virility, his agenda is his to fulfill. His “ways” are his ways! They are his undertakings, his actions, his course of life, not hers! You see, God’s plan is for the Christian man to be the leader in his home. And once he has reached adulthood, he is to never, ever, surrender that leadership position to a woman! Never!
George Washington, the father of our country, was better thought of than Benjamin Franklin, who was much brighter, a genius really, but who gave his strength to women, while Washington did not. Ronald Reagan was the greatest President in my lifetime, but he was flawed! He did give his strength to his wife Nancy (she was a liberal!), I believe that is why he didn’t get his agenda fully implemented! He brought down the Soviet Union but didn’t leave a personal legacy—failed as a father—just look at his 2 youngest kids, Ron and Patty are disloyal to his memory and are personally immoral! Bill Clinton gave his strength to women, to his wife or to many other women. Now we have Bush the younger, and he has women (wife, Condi, Karen Hughes, bad daughters) to whom he has given his strength, and his ways to liquor in the past! That’s why we are losing our nation! Winston Churchill did not, and he was a towering figure. He saved his nation for a few generations, eventually Margaret Thatcher became the best man! But most of these great men, who gave not their strength to women, had no spiritual agenda—they had no spiritual direction to speak of! No man has real spiritual strength to accomplish anything for the cause of Christ so long as he rejects Christ and despises Him.
On the other hand, despite no support or great opposition, Wm. Carey, the great Baptist Missionary to India, succeeded despite a wife who went mad. John Bunyan, the Baptist Preacher and writer, made it big for God! He went to jail for Preaching without a license, and his wife and children, and especially his blind daughter, tried to get him to surrender his agenda for their welfare—their agenda! Neither the judge who sentenced him to 6 years (that turned into 12) nor the world heard the last of John Bunyan! For during his lengthy incarceration in the old Bedford jail, with his Bible as his constant companion and guide, Bunyan gave to the world the epic Pilgrim’s Progress, arguably the greatest literary work in the history of the world next to the Bible. Bunyan was denied pen and paper, and Pilgrim’s Progress was written with pieces of charcoal from the fire that kept his body warm on the paper wads used as stoppers in the milk bottles from which he drank.
How could these men do it? In part because they gave not their strength to women. They wavered from their divinely appointed agenda not one bit, despite the problems associated with their women. But so many men have no idea how to pull this off. How are they to learn? Let us not forget that they will be clueless unless they know Christ. Oh, a guy can be the strong leader in his home even if he’s lost. And he can have an agenda to fulfill. There are interesting examples of men who succeeded wildly, in part, because they didn’t give their strength to women. But our concern is how a Christian man is to pull this off. How do you grow a boy into this kind of man? How does a man get transformed into this kind of man?
The Provision For Obedience
Obviously the responsibility to train Christian men to obey God, and to teach, provoke, encourage, rebuke and exhort them to never give their strength to women belongs to the Pastor of your Baptist Church! But there are other means by which this proper relationship to women should be taught to men and to boys as well.
Throughout childhood you must train a boy for this time in his life. The primary instructor in the boy’s life in this regard is, or should ideally be, his father. And his father performs this function by both direct instruction and the example of his life! “Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.” (1 Thessalonians 2:10–12) “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Dad should teach that boy how to walk like a man, talk like a man, posture his body like a man, develop a personality befitting a man. He should show by his example and by his instructions how men relate to women. If he sees his boy hanging around girls all the time, catering to females all the time, he should rebuke him, and caution him, and warn him that he’s setting himself up to give his strength to women, and that, if he does it, could be his ruin! And when a man watches dirty movies, or looks at dirty pictures, or is unfaithful to the boy’s mother, that man, too, is giving his strength to women. Men who give their strength to women are losers who end up training their sons to be losers, as well.
Though dad is the primary instructor of the boy, mom obviously plays a tremendously important role also. Women can warn their sons about women as men cannot. And mom ought to warn her son about giving his strength to women, as we saw in Prov 31:3. Notice, also, the mother’s role spelled out in Proverbs 6:20–28: “(20) My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: (21) Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. (22) When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. (23) For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: (24) To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. (25) Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. (26) For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. (27) Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? (28) Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?”
Your mother’s law is supposed to shed light on the subject, to illuminate your understanding. What a stupid son who won’t listen to his mother’s warnings about a woman. Mom sees things about women that her boy won’t see, until it’s too late. Oh, for the mother who trains her boy not to be a sissy, but to be strong, to be masculine, and to not give away his strength to any woman; not even, when he is grown, to her.
There comes a time in a boy’s life when he finds listening to mom more and more difficult. As he begins to enter young manhood, he needs to exercise wisdom on his own, and there are warnings from God’s Word that he must heed to avoid giving his strength to any woman. Read Proverbs 7.
2 Timothy 2:22, “(22) Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
1 Corinthians 6:18–20, “(18) Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. (19) What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? (20) For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
1 Thessalonians 5:22, “(22) Abstain from all appearance of evil.”
Finally the young man marries. If he marries well, he’ll marry a woman committed to not seeking the fulfillment of her agenda at the expense of his. If he marries well, he’ll marry a woman who knows that God’s Will is for her agenda to be the fulfillment of his agenda and then hers, not hers at the expense of his.
In Proverbs 31:4–9, liquor and the wrong kind of woman are compared in effect on a man. As a matter of fact, whenever you see booze in Proverbs, you see it associated with the wrong kind of woman. Not only are loose women always around where there’s booze, but also liquor and the wrong kind of woman always have the same kind of effect on a man!
But not all women are like liquor. Not all women boss their boyfriends around. Not all women strive to be manipulative with the men in their lives. Not all women take advantage of a passive husband by whirling around him and running every feature of his life by default. There is one kind of woman who builds up her man, who “wifes” him (“Help meets” him) instead of mothering him and smothering him! “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) Also that kind of wife can warn you about other women you could give your strength to if you’re not careful!
There is one kind of woman who elevates her husband’s status in the eyes of other men. She is industrious and accomplishes much. She is busy, but not at his expense. What kind of woman is that? It’s the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31:10–31.
As I read this Scripture portion, there’s one phrase that literally jumps off the page at me. Because this phrase shows whether or not the woman has been given her husband’s strength, whether or not she is fulfilling her own agenda, or he is fulfilling his. As you read, you will see that the proper relationship between a husband and a wife should not stifle her creativity, or her entrepreneurial energies, or her genius. Properly occupying her role relative to her husband causes her to blossom like a beautiful flower, not shrivel and die. But if that man is not giving his strength to her, if she is not sapping him of his strength, his virility as a man, how is that best revealed? How is that seen? “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.” (Proverbs 31:23)
Men, your success as a man will be judged by your friends based on the conduct of your wife. If you’re married to a marvelous Christian woman, a Proverbs 31 woman, and if you’re a Proverbs 31 man, if you don’t give your strength to her, if you won’t allow her to set your course of life, and if you won’t abandon your godly agenda for hers on those rare occasions when she seeks to advance her agenda at the expense of yours (she is human, after all), then you will be judged well and highly esteemed.
Understand that the responsibility for being a masculine man and husband is all yours, men. No woman can take your strength from you! You have to give it to her! So, do your wife a favor, commit yourself to denying her your strength, so she’ll have the liberty to live her life with you as God wills, and thereby become a virtuous woman. Be the Proverbs 31 man, so she can be the Proverbs 31 woman! Men, it’s up to you! It’s your strength to give to a woman, not hers to take.
What kind of a man are you? It’ll be seen by your relationships with the women in your life.
Want to know what’s amazing? Never is a woman so sheltered, protected and free to be who God wants her to be, as when she’s married to a man who won’t give her his strength and will actually act like a man. So many men are afraid to come to Church, afraid to consider the claims of Christ, because they envision themselves being feminized, made into wimps, turned into glorified sissies. And it’s no wonder, look at the average pastor and the average man or how few men there are in the average so-called Church.
How little do those unsaved men understand that the very opposite is true. As I discovered to my everlasting delight years ago, the only man who is fully a man is a Christian man. Oh, there are real men who are not Christian men, but they are not fully men. There is something missing from their masculinity. All other men are either wimps, wusses, weak and ineffectual, like little kids who are afraid to take the lead in their homes and insist on acting like overgrown children; or they are bullies and thugs who insist on being the boss, but who have no capacity for sacrifice, or for moral courage, no capacity for spiritual direction in their lives.
There’s wide variation in God’s plan for men’s personalities in the Christian life. There can be quiet men and loud men, confident men and even timid men, strong men and weak men, articulate men and inarticulate men. But there’s no room in Christianity for a man who will not lead his wife, who will not lead his family, who surrenders his agenda to any woman. That is intolerable!
Christian man, find out what God wants of you. Establish an agenda for your life, a course and a direction. It will be connected to a New Testament Baptist Church, I guarantee you. Then expend yourself fulfilling your God-given agenda! Allow no lovely woman in your life, whether it is your wife or mom or daughter or sister, to distract you from the fulfillment of that agenda. Follow your Pastor as he follows Christ, and do what he shows you in God’s Word that God would have you to do. Get that down good enough, and you’ll do all right as a man, a masculine man, so different from the men of this world or the men in most Churches!
By E. L. Bynum
The Southern Baptist diehards keep trying to tell us that the SBC has been cleaned up and is now a fundamental organization. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The gains that Conservatives have made are good, as far as they go. Nothing but a genuine house cleaning will ever make the dramatic difference, and as I have said before, they will gradually slip back down the slippery slope of compromise. False doctrine cannot coexist with the truth. In such a policy truth will always suffer. Amos answered that dilemma long ago. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3) The answer is obvious, and it is NO!
Speaking in tongues has been classified as false doctrine by true Baptists for 1900 years. Speaking in tongues has been unscriptural since the close of the giving of the New Testament. God settled that once for all. “Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease ; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” (1 Corinthians 13:8) (Emphasis ours)
The following has been reproduced word for word from our local newspaper:
Southern Baptists Soften Policy
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The Southern Baptist International Mission Board has taken a small step back from its controversial ban on appointing missionaries who use a “private prayer language,” or speak in tongues in private.
Mission board trustees, meeting May 7–9 in Kansas City, Mo., voted overwhelmingly to turn the policies into guidelines instead.
The board is still discouraging the use of private prayer language, but an attorney for the agency, Matt Bristol, said adopting the term “guideline” means that the provisions “will be applied with a degree of flexibility” considering the circumstances of each candidate. LAJ 5/26/07
What a Cop-out on the Truth!
In order to have more missionaries and in order to have no strong controversies, conservatives once again have folded in order to have peace. When love and good will give in to doctrinal error, it will always lead to compromise of the truth. The liberals will always be willing to compromise in the name of love and peace, knowing full well that they are working toward their goal. There is no telling how much compromise of doctrine can be found in the works. One compromise leads to another, and it never ends. It may slow down for a while or even reverse itself in some instances, but that does not mean that the evil of compromise has been defeated or that it has given up.
There should be a lesson for independent Baptists through all this. One compromise always leads to another, and there will always be some good supposed reason why compromise is necessary to advance the kingdom.
Further Proof of Compromise
The LAJ of 6/9/07, printed a fairly lengthy article from the Associated Press about problems brewing in the Southern Baptist Convention. The headline read, “Southern Baptist gather amid tension over denomination’s future.” The conservatives have been in the process of gaining control of the SBC for 28 years. Now there are those that believe that the Convention is in danger of slipping back into the old ways. A professor from their Seminary had the following to say about the trend.
“It really comes down to the issue of are we going to have a clear Baptist identity, or are we going to be evangelical ecumenicists?” said Malcolm Yarnell, a theology professor at Southwestern Baptist Seminary in Fort Worth who supports the resolution.
“My hope is that conservative Baptists will wake up to the fact that the conservative resurgence is in danger of being unraveled.” LAJ 6/9/07 (Emphasis ours)
Remember that this is a professor in their largest seminary that said, “the conservative resurgence is in danger of being unraveled.” This is exactly what I have been expecting to happen for years.
How to Get Rid of Pests
To rid a barn infested by rats and mice, you must get rid of all of them. You cannot tolerate a few of them to remain, because they will multiply swiftly. You cannot get rid of termites by putting more wood up for them to chew on. The whole den must be eradicated.
You cannot rid denominations and churches of modernists, by removing some of their power. Nothing will ever change the SBC until they have a wholesale expulsion of all the liberals and their fellow travelers. This they will never do, because it would split the SBC right down the middle.
Southern Baptists Doing Something Right
The LAJ (6/7/07) had a front page story about the Baptist General Convention of Texas (SBC) establishing a web site listing the convicted sex offenders who are ministers. This is commendable and should be copied by the entire SBC. The fundamentalist organized Fellowships would be wise if they did the same thing. Since those of us who are among the truly independent churches have no organization, it might not be so easy to take this step.
Every group should purge themselves of preachers and workers who fall in this category. It is a disgrace that sex offenders are sometimes found in every religious group. The awful tragedy is that some sex offenders are never convicted, but will have churches and preachers cover up for them. Somebody counsels them for a while, and then they are supposedly rehabilitated. The next thing you know they are passed on to another church or ministry and end up doing the same thing again. This should NEVER be done.
There are some sins that completely disqualify a man for the ministry. God’s work is no place for sex offenders, adulterers, and fornicators to be. Yes, God can and does forgive sins, but their qualifications for the ministry cannot be scripturally restored.
Edited by E. L. Bynum
(Editor’s Note: In our News & Views column we quote from many different sources. Please understand that this does not necessarily mean that we approve of all of the publications from which we quote.)
The Hope Of America — On resurrection Sunday: “The US president’s brief message pointed to the resurrection of Christ as a beacon of hope. ‘We can rejoice in Christ’s rising, draw strength and inspiration from His example, and remember that in the end, even death itself will be defeated.’” (LSN, 4/11/07)
Beware Of Wolves — “Judicial Watch president Tom Fitton says CAIR (Council for American Islamic Relations) has been successful in portraying itself as a champion for all Muslims and ‘has been very effective in making themselves out to be the ACLU of Arab-Americans” when, in fact, “they are a narrow interest group funded by initially terrorist-associated organizations, and they’ve knowingly assisted violent Muslim Arab groups.’” (One News Now, 4/13/07) What Jesus said about the scribes and Pharisees fits here. “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.” (Matt. 15:8) Two cannot walk together unless they agree, and what concord can Christ have with Belial? (Amos 3:3; 2 Cor. 6:15) — W. W. Mosley (hereafter, WWM)
On The Other Hand — “A former Mormon woman whose father was a bishop in that religion says she doesn’t think it’s a good idea that Regent University founder Pat Robertson has invited Mitt Romney to deliver the commencement address at the school next month.” (ONN, 4/11/07) Romney is a former Mormon bishop (lay leader), the article stated. Robertson a former presidential wannabe has other quirky religious convictions. Robertson certainly leans many directions, but this way seems odd for even him. “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” (James 1:8) — WWM
Chicken Before The Egg? — A scientist of Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center & Harvard Med. School is quoted saying about a “68 million” year old bone: “...the protein’s chemical structure and found it ‘showed an evolutionary link between T. rex and chickens, bolstering the idea that birds evolved from dinosaurs.’ The ‘link,’ according to the article, is ‘a remarkable similarity’ between the T. rex and chicken amino acid sequences.” (Answers in Genesis, 4/14/07) And all this time Christians believed that God made all the fowl on the fifth day of creation. This believer remains in that conviction. IF you believe the creation days to be longer than 24 hours, compare Exo. 20:9 with 20:11. You may feel you have worked a 68 million year day, but it is impossible. God made all the fowl, among other creatures, in one 24 hour day, the 5th day. Very likely between sunup and sundown. More can be learned about the origin of the species by reading the Bible than by digging up bones. — WWM
U.S. Flag A Misrepresentation? — An official with the Institute on Religion and Democracy says it is outrageous that a leader in the United Methodist Church has called for the removal of U.S. flags from the denomination’s churches. (OneNewsNow, 5/24/07) The minister made this argument; the “presence of the” U.S.A. flag would “imply endorsement of national policies.” He compared it to the Swastika flag displayed in German churches during the reign of Hitler. This is another step of withdrawal from Christian values in America. Christianity and Americanism was, at one point in history, almost synonymous. Not because it was the government religion, but because of the freedom both enjoyed. “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” (John 8:36) — WWM
Anti-Patriotism On Rise — “A tenured college professor is set to be fired for simply sending out an e-mail to colleagues containing George Washington’s ‘Thanksgiving Day Proclamation of 1789.’” (NewsMax, online 5/7/07) Any freedom that exists has its foundation in our Creator God. The liberal-thinking media, as well as too many politicians, has all but dismissed God from America. It is only to be expected that our historical founder’s faith in God would be scorned. Soon after Prof. Kehowski’s e-mail, five of his colleagues filed harassment charges against him. Be sure the devil’s law office will not rush to the professor’s aid! — WWM
Abortion in Mexico — Just over one month after the legalization of abortion in Mexico City, a total of 230 abortions have taken place within the federal district of the city, and 700 more have been requested. While 38% of these abortions were performed on women between the ages of 20 and 24, only three of these were on girls between the ages of 10 and 14, according to El Universal Gráphico. Medical News also said that 6% of abortions requests are from girls under the age of 18 years of age. (LSN, 5/31/07)
UK Boycotts Israel Universities — Guardian Unlimited has reported the UK has boycotted universities of Israel. It seems Israel is concerned with Palestinian students entering their universities. Very likely, Israel has a reason for this. Other enemies of Israel and the U.S. have sought, and in some cases received, education in these countries to their own dismay. It will be interesting to see how such moves against Israel will play out in these last days. — WWM
NY Considers Gay Marriage — This must be burdensome to those believers in the state of New York. According to LifeSiteNews, 5/24/07 the State Assembly “will soon consider a bill that would legalize same-sex ‘marriage.’ There are at least three lawmakers in this assembly that are ‘openly homosexual.’ Some will laud the candor(?) of these three. However, it would be good if they would consult God’s feeling about their ‘lifestyle.’ “There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.” (Deut. 23:17) Such a society will demoralize any nation. — WWM
Imam’s Are Scarce? — A New York Times, 6/1/07 article revealed the scarcity of imams [spiritual leaders] for Islam worshipers to follow. The basic reason being the ever growing population of Muslims in America. It seems there are not as many imams migrating to the U.S. One Muslim sheik says there is not enough proper education for those becoming imams who are born here. The fear among the Muslim religion is that too few will be properly taught in Islamic jurisprudence. Perhaps a session with a Baptist pastor would help their understanding of Islam. — WWM